Sunday, October 30, 2005

Innocence















I remember a time when my frail virgin mind
Watched the crimson sunrise, imagined what it might find.
Innocence caressed me. I never felt so young before.
There was so much life to see behind each and every door.

When did I fall from grace? I never realized,
how deep the flood was around me.
Why does it seem that now the magic's worn thin?

My life is now a mystery.
Where did I come from? Where have I been?
My past is uncertain and covered up grim.
Where, I ask, did it all go wrong?
Why can't I sing a warmer song?

I know now who I am. The more I search for my soul,
the more I find myself descending deeper into my coldest
Obscurities. Somebody please show me where to go from here.

Coming back to life
Seize the day. I heard him say
Life should not always be this way
look around, near the sounds
Cherish your life while you're still around.

Here I stand at the crossroad's edge
afraid to reach out for my sanity
I think I finally understand
There is so much more I can be

I keep looking back at someone else
ME !

Never

Never is going to be
soon enough for me
to say goodbye
so don't touch me
Who touched me
sorry but my head
would rather leave a thousand thoughts unsaid
than as air they would chill
in sunshine unpleasing

A Tale of two choices

It was 6:29 am, he was frail, and his soft body and limbs tickled his mother’s arms. The path before him was full of turns, and he was helpless. But he was determined and was glowing with new found warmth. His body surged with the changes that shook the foundation of the self image he may have known. He welcomed himself with the echoes of his very own cries. Safe in the newness of shared body warmth, he looked for the first time at the life so attached to his own. It was a feeling of a life time, relief, joy, and sheer love swept over him when his mother came close to his forehead and brushed it with her lips. He needed not a name, for that was something he had been granted long ago, he was present here way before his birth, he just joined the world now. He was no other than me. Who had just come to life and had two choices before him, the right and wrong, the preference had to be his.

During life I have always encountered two paths, one going to a right way one to the wrong or at times both going to the right way and the choice had to be mine. One has to choose between what one has to go for. At times, I have come across those turns in life which lead to the wrong direction, all of them, not even a single right way out! And I had to choose between the devil and the deep sea. I had to look for the better option, but I still hated myself. Well this is how life goes I guess. You have to spend looking for a better path; the right choice has to be made.

Becoming a self-emotionally separating from our families of origin, choosing what we believe and value and choosing how we live based on our own inner guidance rather than on what is expected of us, is critical for our growth, to our fullness as a person. It is absolutely essential that we learn to distinguish between who we are as individuals and whatever rules we learned to follow automatically because we internalized the do’s and the don’ts, and the should’s and the ought’s of our childhoods.

I think this is what having choice is really about. Knowing we are able to say no, but also being able to say yes; being able to freely choose something we know may be hard and painful and, perhaps, exhausting and even traumatic because our heart tells us it’s the right thing. When we choose instead of unwillingly doing something because we think we must do it, we enter into a whole new existence. This kind of choice may involve actions like publicly taking an unpopular stand, giving away a substantial part of our incomes in support of a cause, giving time in our busy lives to help someone or to work on be-half of something we value, or doing without something we desire in order to help someone we love or to help the planet.

Even in the smallest and in the fastest decisions I have tried to make. I was occupied with once again a number of decisions I could make. And I would always refer to my friends for their help and support. You have to make such an assessment which doesn’t make u feel that u did not take the road that had to be taken. My mind is not frail now; it has learnt a bunch of factors that makes life competitive and makes it sound fun, the aspect that fills color in it, and the thing that makes it adventurous.

You!

I haven't taken a breath
since we last spoke,
and suffocating never felt so good,
but I can't live like this,
between moments,
between spasms of you,
and all the exhaustion of need.
I've thought to call,
but I've never been one
to press buttons on you.

Does anyone realize??

Does anyone realize,
how lonely I may feel?
When no one borne to look on me,
and none considered me enough to yield.

I lost my every hope in the world,
I lost its every end; but tell me,
why should I remain
on whom everyone depends.

I may not utter a sob;
and neither may I cry,

but does a man lose his self;
when he wants to die?